A SXSW Smattering- my 2009 video compilation

Here’s a collection of videos I took of each band I was impressed by at this year’s SXSW Music.  Was unable to include a few due to loud bass distortion but this is a good smattering of my favorites.

Each of these bands put on an excellent live show. Find the bands you like, find their website, and see them live yourself!


SXSW 2009 Favorites

Efterklang at SXSW Music 2009

I just made an imeem playlist of my SXSW 2009 favorites for you lovely people!  In the outstanding live performance category, I’d name Efterklang, Port O’Brien, The Thermals, and Alaska in Winter.  Also really enjoyed Microfiche but couldn’t find their content on imeem.  I included a couple of bands I didn’t get to see but learned about in the process (Loch Lomond & Grizzly Bear).

I thought I might be tiring of the whole no-sleep, stand-for-hours SXSW music process but I was just as thrilled during the process as last year and arrived home invigorated once again to devour & share some new tunes!

Quick & Dirty Guide to Online Dating


This week I was asked by one of my roommates to send some online dating tips to her little brother who had recently joined the fray.  I have used online dating on and off for about 9 years and, in writing my email, I realized that the way I date online now is much different than how I started.  It certainly would have been nice to have some of these bits o’ advice when I was starting.  So I’ve decided to share some of these with you nice people.  As with all things subjective, I’m sure my experience will not mirror everyone’s but these concepts certainly worked for me!

So here you have it,  my far-from-comprehensive, in no particular order Quick & Dirty Guide to Online Dating

  • You always want to spend a little time on your first message to someone.  Be sure to reference things you liked in theirprofile to let them know you liked them beyond their hawt photo.  Don’t worry about coming on too strong – you want to seem really interested.  On the other hand, you don’t want to spend forever on an email.  Just put a some thought into it beyond ‘You’re cute.  Let’s grab a drink.’ 
  • Some will disagree on this, but I will never date anyone who doesn’t include 2-3 photos of themselves.  Likewise, I’m always willing to send photos of myself.
  • As far as messaging twice, I generally wouldn’t.  If you’ve done a good job on your first email there’s no need to write again.  They’ll write if they’re interested.  Most people don’t say ‘No thank you,’ if they’re not interested, which can be frustrating but seems to be how it goes.  A couple of times I’ve had guys write again and it hasn’t really bothered me, but generally the reason I didn’t write them is because I wasn’t interested.  Some people do like to be pursued though so if it’s been a week and no response, there’s probably no harm in a follow-up.  
  • Don’t spend too much time emailing with someone online – generally one email each & then asking on a date is best.  This is mainly because you can have great online chemistry and none in person so you want to get to the date part as quickly as possible before you waste a lot of time emailing.  I wrote back & forth for 3 weeks with my first online date- then phone calls, & when we met, the chemistry was SO not there. 
  • Happy hour dates are best.  You don’t want to plan a whole big evening together because you may realize in the first 30 minutes that you’re not really into them.  I used to say I had plans later in the evening and then I ‘cancelled’ them if I was having a good time but now I think you can just be honest about wanting a quick date to see if the chemistry is there or not.  I like a really quirky, fun, well-planned date but maybe save it for the 2nd date when you know the chemistry is there.
  • If you enjoy the date, let them know at the end that you’d like to see them again.  Follow-up with an email the next day.
  • Message lots of people.  Don’t get hung up on one person you find.  Online dating works best when you put a lot of feelers out there.  Also, open yourself up to going out with some people you might not be immediately excited by (not totally unexcited by but folks that seem like maybes).  It’s good experience and I’ve sometimes been really surprised that someone was a lot more articulate, interesting & attractive in person.
  • Have a few people go over your profile with you & make suggestions.  Sometimes we’re not always the most skilled at presenting the best parts of us.  Make sure it shows your personality.  Make it funny & quirky rather than just saying “I’m funny & quirky” (although it’s good to say it too).  Also, make sure you’ve got good pictures, and get a few opinions about this too. 
  • Get used to rejection.  The wonderful part of online dating is that you have access to a lot more opportunities to date than you’d normally have.  Along with this, you’re going to experience a fair amount of people with whom you are not a good fit.  Try to think about dating as a chemistry/fit thing rather than a ‘they didn’t like me therefore I must not be good enough, smart enough, etc.’.  The truth is that there will be people you have mutual chemistry with and people you don’t.  You can make sure you’re presenting the good parts of you, of course, which helps, but basically there’s little to do to change the fact that some people will have the hots for you and some will not (and vice versa!).
  • If it’s only one date, emailed rejections are ok.  There’s no need to tell the person at the end of the date that it wasn’t a good fit (although some people do).  I think it’s best, if you’re not interested, to email the next day & say nice things about them but that it wasn’t a good fit chemistry-wise.  If you have gone on more than one date, or have had sex, a phone call is more appropriate.
  • Limit the percentage of your life you spend online dating.  Especially when you’re getting started, it can be exciting and you might be tempted to spend too much of your free time engaged in browsing, writing, and going on dates.  Set aside 1-2 days a week to go on first dates. 
  • If you find yourself wanting to go on follow-up dates with multiple people, that’s great, but make sure you stay connected with the other parts of your life- friends, hobbies, alone time.  This is what will help make dating a reasonable part of your life rather than all-consuming and will likely make you a healthier and more interesting person to date!

So that’s it for now.  As many of you know, I have recently started writing a book on dating, exploring why we make poor dating choices and how we can begin dating in healthier ways.  I’ll probably have a short piece regarding onlinedating in the book, so any ideas or thoughts about what I’ve written here are welcome!

Antiquated Advice

I have recently had the privilege of meeting Mauryne, a friend of a friend, who immediately struck me as the latina version of my grandmother; outspoken, smart, bawdy & unapologetic. 

We are preparing to celebrate the marriage of two of our favorite women and decided for the bachelorette party of one that we would give her ‘advice cards’ on being a ‘good wife’ with the idea of being as ridiculously 50’s as possible. 

This is Mauryne’s response which I thought warranted sharing.  I think it’s important to take time periodically to remember the advice that was considered normal to give to women just 50 years ago.  Not only so that we do not repeat it but also so we can understand the origins of  the struggles women are left with in the wake of these distorted & oppressive teachings.

Thanks Mauryne for reminding us…

Hi Girls,

Since I’m  the “Old Dog” here and from the 50’s I’ll chime in.  Thank God for Gloria Steinham enlightening us 50’s girls to a new way of life with a partner.

Here are some of what I actually did, I saw my friends do, and by word or action, from society, parents, & friends I was told I must do to honor and obey my man.

A woman must get married before she is 25 or she is considered an old maid.

A woman must marry a man with enough money because she will have to be a good housewife and clean house and care for the children. 

A woman must learn to cook her partner’s favorite foods and avoid cooking things he doesn’t like.  Even if you like onions and he doesn’t like the smell of them cooking, do not cook onions!!!

When partner gets home from work, be bathed, make-up must be on perfectly, hair in place.  Now if partner wants you to have long hair, you must obey, even if you like short hair.  You must shave legs and pits and most important keep that cho-cho (va-jay-jay) ( wu-hu) absolutely clean and sweet smelling.  Oh yes, be sure to douche often.

Wife must never instigate sex.  That is for the man to do.  And, always stay on the bottom.

Be sure to allow partner to handle all the income, even if some is yours.  Ask your partner to allow you to keep 2 checks and $25 just in case you need to buy something.

If spouse does not want you to wear bright colors or short skirts (because you look good and have nice legs) you must comply.  Remember partner wants to be the only one that sees your beauty.  That is a compliment.

Condoms may be against your spouse’s religion so be sure to practice the rhythm method.  Ask Granma Mauryne and she’ll teach you how to practice not getting pregnant.

You must allow your partner to approve of your friends.  If a person calls for you, your partner knows best who you can talk to or not.  Know it is only because you are loved and being protected.  Also when visiting friends, if your spouse wants to go home, you must leave immediately even if you are having a lot of fun.  Graciously excuse yourself.

If you like to smoke and your partner smokes too but tells you, “I’d like you to quit smoking because it isn’t lady-like”,  find a barn or a shed that you can go smoke when partner isn’t around.  Be sure to rinse mouth out with Listerine, chew gum and spray your hair and clothes with air freshener.  Partner will never know.

You must allow your spouse to approve of your reading materials.  Some may be too racy for you or  have too many ideas about being an independent woman. 

You must allow your spouse to make all major decisions regarding how to spend money, what kind of car to buy, how many children you can have & whether or not they can attend church, and especially the kind of home you will purchase.

The wife must cleave unto her spouse, obey her spouse and honor her spouse.  If so,  she shall remained married until death do they part.

Okay my dears, that’s all I can come up with for now.  I know you have issues today with partners but back in the day, it was pretty awful.  We don’t ever want to go there again.  It took me 35 years to get out of that “Old Thinking”… and sometimes I slip.

I thought about one of my friends who used to do this kind of stuff (even though I  did the same kind of crap).  All her husband had to do was tap on his coffee cup and she rushed to grab the pot of coffee and would pour him a fresh cup.   I was worse because all Steve had to do was look at the plate of green beans and I’d say,”Honey, would you like some more green beans?”    I am ashamed to admit this but it happened. Plus, I was the one smoking behind the barn with his mother!!!!!!

And the last one.  I can’t believe I’m thinking about all this…. is when my friend Helen and I ran away from our husbands in the early 80’s because they were buttholes and all we could do the whole trip was talk about what they liked and what we could buy them that they needed.   Believe this my young women friends.  This is all true.

Hugs to all of you.  I wish I were your ages and knew what I know today.  Remember what we create today– is of our own making in the future.

PITA (pain in the ass) Mauryne

Videos That Have Recently Caused Me to Feel

I like music videos for all sorts of reasons but probably my favorite is their ability occasionally to elicit from me some sort of emotional response – a visceral reaction that gets me out of my head and in touch with my body.

Here’s two of my recent favorites- Gotye’s ‘Heart’s A Mess’ and Bright Eyes ‘First Day Of My Life’.

Before Roe v Wade

This is an excellent essay by Waldo Fielding, recounting some of his experiences as a doctor before Roe v Wade. Another strong reminder of why we need to keep vigilant watch over our reproductive rights.

It is important to remember that Roe v. Wade did not mean that abortions could be performed. They have always been done, dating from ancient Greek days.

What Roe said was that ending a pregnancy could be carried out by medical personnel, in a medically accepted setting, thus conferring on women, finally, the full rights of first-class citizens — and freeing their doctors to treat them as such.

Organizations working to protect women’s healthcare rights. A good way to help is to donate!
Planned Parenthood
National Organization of Women

As If We Needed Further Proof that David Byrne is Awesome

Xeni Jardin at BoingBoing interviews David Byrne about his new music/art installation in NYC. He has hooked up a pump organ to an entire building and now anyone can, literally, play the building. It’s enough to have me browsing plane fares to NY. Yet another reason why David Byrne continues to be one of my creative heros.